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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cow that's just had a baby? De-calfinated!"

"What's the worst thing your wife can text you after she sends you nudes? ""Oops, wrong person."""

"What do you call Batman when he skips Church? Christian Bale."

"All across the United States of America, at this very moment, right now.... Kelsey, Madison and Taylor literally can't even."

"[lightbulb store] owner: ""what watt can i get you?"" me: owner: me: owner: ""did i stutter?"" me: ""i dont know"""

"How do you get Lady Gaga attention? P-p-p-poke her face."

"Incognito mode on google chrome is useless.. Everyone in the library can still see me wanking"

"The Outsiders: Why is Ponyboy lactose intolerant? He hates Dairy but likes Sodapop."

"Smoking causes a huge financial burden that's shared by all of us, so it only makes sense that they get a bunch of extra five minute breaks."

"What do Auschwitz, Treblinka, and Sobibor have in common? Tons of koffing spawns."