199845

Joke of the Day

"[Plane starts to go down] *Frantically shoves an entire bag of Life Savers GummiesTM into my mouth*"

"Deaf people have no idea why the rest of us think farts are funny."

"[First day of prison] ""Hey man. Wanna be in our gang?"" Sure, I'll call you. Just give me your cell number *gets stabbed*"

"dentist was flossing my teeth & said ""they're very tight"" & I said ""yeah they're homies"" & he laughed so loud that it made me uncomfortable"

"I've started dating Little Red Riding Hood's gran. She's an animal in bed."

"I'd like to make a toast... Someone get me some bread and butter"

"My buddy went to a foreign country to get his sex change operation. Now he's a dude who's abroad."

"What do you call a wino eating grapes? Impatient."

"Some guy said I was being pithy.... turns out he had a lisp."

"What do you call a lazy immigrant ? A United States citizen"