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Joke of the Day

"The other day, I went to www.conjunctivitis.com ... Now *that's* a site for sore eyes..."

"You know that feeling of shame, when you put it in the wrong hole? You wonder why it doesn't fit, and when you look down you just get sad. I'm talking about belts, of course. What did you think!?"

"Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. The piano player can do that with his left hand."

"You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run - ORIGAMI not for everyone !"

"The next time somebody complains about millennials, maybe remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hardwood floors."

"I was feeling depressed, then saw a guy with one arm and thought ""oh man, I could be getting so much more sympathy if I was missing an arm!"""

"6 more days, guys.. That's December 26. The day everybody puts their shitty Xmas gifts on Ebay so poor people, like me, can buy them!"

"What's black and smells like Shiraz? Tyrone Lannister"

"What's the difference between an apple? A bike because a vest has no sleeves."

"No one has done the dishes for like a week so I finally did the responsible thing and bought some paper plates."