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Joke of the Day

"Excuse me, doctor - my husband was rushed in with violent spasms in his buttocks. Where is he?"" ""ICU baby, shaking that ass"""

"I thought about getting two pets and naming them One and Two. So when One dies, I'll still have Two."

"A rock flying through the hemisphere is called an Asteroid. A lump on your ass is called a Hemorrhoid...... If you think of it,Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"Why don't blind people bungee jump? Because it scares the fuck out of the dogs."

"Gift before the Prom ""I'm ready for my first prom daddy"" ""Here, take this box son... And don't make the mistake I made"" ""Whats in the box dad"" ""...Condoms"""

"a man walks into a library drunk and says can i have a fish and chips please the woman says sir this is a library and then whispers can i have a fish and chips please"

"Did you hear about the blondes who were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They were waiting for ""Closed For The Winter"" to start."

"I came up with an original word yesterday... ...plagiarism."

"The guy in front of me is buying a pregnancy test....I bet this is the only time he would rather be buying tampons."

"Have you heard the one about the jellyfish? It's a real no-brainer."