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Joke of the Day

"1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance - My stages of getting ready for work"

"What do you call a Scotsman that's been strangled to death by his own clothing? Kilt."

"My grandma had a lock installed on her medicine cabinet poor thing no one's ever going to visit her again"

"when it snows are snowmen ever like holy shit it's my flesh"

"The wife and I were lying in bed this morning when she said, ""I think the romance in this relationship is dead."" I wish she wouldn't talk to me while I'm having a wank."

"What if Superman landed in Mexico instead of Kansas? He'd be an illegal alien."

"I just came up with Trump's inauguration drink I call it, ""Make America Smashed Again"" It's a White Russian with pumpkin spice."

"If you see a swarm of jellyfish, DO NOT enter the ocean. It's a no-brainer."

"Why did the integer stop multiplying with other integers of equal value? He was Squared Straight."

"What do you feed an invisible cat? Evaporated milk."