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Joke of the Day

"There are two types of people I cannot stand Those who are intolerant of other cultures/ people groups... and the Dutch."

"Bob suddenly realized his wife had fallen off her horse Which was quite a relief as just an hour ago he'd thought he'd gone deaf"

"When I bend down to feed the cat she leaps onto my back.When I try to stand back up it's the saddest tiny rodeo you've ever seen."

"[me after 1 minute of jogging] this is good, this was a good decision [me after 3 minutes of jogging] life is suffering, there is no god"

"If they gave out awards for sex... You wouldn't even have a participation ribbon As in, you have not participated. You are virgin"

"The only time I'm like ""maybe god is real"" is when I'm eating really really good nachos."

"I would have fucking loved to have been there when Mary and Joseph tried to explain to Jesus where babies come from."

"Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution."

"Just realized some twitter handles are probably prison ID numbers."

"The Uranus hokes will never get old I just can stop lauging at the planets name."