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Joke of the Day
"Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution."
Next Joke
"Is it just me.... .... or were all the kids in the magic school bus show trippin balls."
"[backstage at GOP debate] AIDE: Mr. Trump needs his hair. CAT: I'm puking as fast as I can."
"You know your life sucks when... Your job sucks, Your kids suck, And your wife doesn't."
"[robbing Whole Foods] ""All the cash in a bag NOW!"" 100% organic reusable bag ok? ""Yes!"" [puts half the cash] I had to charge for the bag"
"You had me at ""I bet I can get that whole thing in my mouth."""
"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't be silly, feminists don't change anything."
"My city has been putting in tons of toll booths. Yesterday I had to pay ten cents before they'd let me pass through an intersection! At least I was able to turn on a dime."
"""It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside"" ME: Oh thank god ""It's who you are on the inside"" ME: Dang"
"What does a jello shot and my dick have in common? They're both only meant to be consumed by dumb drunk chicks."