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Joke of the Day

"Bob suddenly realized his wife had fallen off her horse Which was quite a relief as just an hour ago he'd thought he'd gone deaf"

"[team dumps Gatorade on head coach after victory but head coach just happens to be the Wicked Witch of the West] COACH: you idiots *melts*"

"Girls aren't friends with other girls. They are just future enemies."

"Bet you didn't notice the the word the' has been said twice. "

"911: What's your emergency? Me: Are you guys hiring? 911: This is an emergency line. Me: No shit. Why do you think I'm calling?"

"Hey dude! Would we be considered in-laws if I slept with your wife? No... we'd be even."

"Man, I really wish I'd noticed that rubber ducky in the toilet BEFORE I pooped."

"Horton Hears a who? Horton Hears a what? Horton Hears a huh? Horton hears a chicka chikca chicka chicka slim shady."

"Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards."

"I accidentally planted some marijuana seeds on my farm It's all gone to pot"