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Joke of the Day

"""Parodies"" or homages or whatever the fuck they are of the ""Got milk?"" ads are worse than AIDS + 9/11 + a 3rd thing you personally hate."

"Did you hear about the cabriolet driver who caused a fatal accident? He was driving roof-less."

"A vintage coin only sells for .02 cents at an auction Needless to say, he felt under appreciated."

"Her: are you single? [flashback to 2011 where I tried to kiss a girl but she turned away and I kissed her cheek] Me: haha idk"

"You should all be proud if me, guys. I got a designated driver for tonight. He's my nephew, and he's six, but he's drank way less than me."

"What do you get when you have an ant with 8 legs? An uncle that has to build a bigger shoe closet..."

"If I ask my mom to take a picture for me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling ""IT'S THE BUTTON ON FRONT!"

"Dear Google Maps, Don't insult me by telling me to head ""southwest"". If I knew where southwest was, I wouldn't be using you. Kthnxbye"

"Why is it so hard to breakup with Japanese girls? You have to drop the bomb twice"

"Hi..You've reached my voicemail. I could come to the phone right now but I saw your name on caller ID so leave a message..or not."