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Joke of the Day

"Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked. So did all the other people at the post office."

"""Hey honey"" *drags a cigarette* ""have you ever"" *drinks some scotch* ""slept with a guy"" *sucks a lollipop* ""with three arms?"""

"A conversation I just had. Friend - ""My Dad just bought a condo in Afghanistan, what an idiot."" Me - ""Are you kidding? Those real estate prices are set to explode."""

"There is a big fat naked guy and another naked guy behind him who has a big nose. The front guy turns around, what happens to guy behind? He broke his nose."

"Why are football grounds odd? Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits!"

"Roses are red Violets are blue Who shit in my garden?"

"What is a printer's favorite type of jelly? Jelly's fine, but paper jam is the best!"

"Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic."

"Emails from world leaders are streaming in to Hillary Clinton to console her [Deleted]"

"Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !"