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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cold North African? A Brrbrr"

"Alcohol is like liquid Photoshop for real life."

"just saw a church sign that says, ""santa claus never died for anyone."" and i'm like, ""okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse."""

"Finally got a phone at my desk. In related news, thanks to me, 56 random people are running to catch their refrigerators."

"These drawstring pajama pants practically fall down when I don't tie them, so I guess another piece of birthday cake is in order."

"I could be wearing a onesie right now, you don't know."

"I shot a bIack teenager the other day and got arrested for impersonating a police officer."

"What do Yoko Ono and African children have in common? They both survive on dead beatles (beetles)."

"Why are some jokes so funny? -Doctor, Doctor why are some jokes so painfully funny? -It must be the punchline"

"I finally figured out why a sneeze is the equivalent of 1/8th an orgasm... I could foresee something unpleasant and unavoidable, it's now over and I can get on with my day."