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Joke of the Day

"My teeth are so white I could use them to help land a plane and still no boyfriend. I'm beginning to think TV ads lie."

"What's 12 inches long and white? Nothing."

"I rely too much on Outlook. My calendar has ""leave work"" at 6, ""brush teeth"" tonight at 11, and a ""blink"" alert recurring every 2.5 seconds."

"Can we hold off on finding a cure for cancer for a minute and focus on getting the timing right on automatic faucets in public restrooms?"

"How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool."

"Did you hear about the guy that died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his coffin"

"What did the lower case ""o"" say to the capital ""O""? You whore."

"ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking... and this [copilot starts sick beatbox] is your captain rapping ALL OUT OF FUEL ALL OUT"

"Just complained to my girlfriend that my iPhone battery wasn't lasting more than 2 hours & it dawned on me that I'm white & totally spoiled."

"What would Jesus do? Today, take Mary out to Olive Garden."