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Joke of the Day

"ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking... and this [copilot starts sick beatbox] is your captain rapping ALL OUT OF FUEL ALL OUT"

"Did you hear about the actress who stabbed her husband at dinner? That blonde girl Reese.... Not Witherspoon, with her knife."

"*attaches canes horizontally to dozens of old man walkers *watches slowest jousting match ever"

"Why did the scarecrow receive an award? It was outstanding in his field."

"Your Mom is so fat... That when she sat on a Iphone it turned into a Ipad."

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? -Walking. -JK, Rowling"

"My girlfriend doesn't believe in sex before marriage. So I showed .... My girlfriend doesn't believe in sex before marriage. So I showed her some of my old home movies to prove it was real."

"My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell"

"Hey girl, are you an F5 key? Cause that ass is refreshing."

"What do you call a sad watermelon? melancholy"