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Joke of the Day

"Why did the one-eyed pirate keep running aground? No depth perception."

"I cook with wine sometimes I even add it to the food."

"What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a child molester? Alien vs Predator"

"Mom called to tell me she is qualified to be a yoga instructor... I think that's a bit of a stretch"

"If a Facebook video says ""you won't believe what happens next"" then I replace ""believe"" with ""care"""

"Whats yellow and dangerous? Shark infested custard"

"When idiots talk to me, I just imagine they're saying, 'I'm an idiot,' over and over. Makes it easier to nod in agreement and not get cross."

"What do you call a Korean bulldog? *buldogi*"

"In high school, everyone used to call me the class clown it was probably because of the face paint."

"I just accidentally put my mic too close to my guitar amp and I think I made a Skrillex song."