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Joke of the Day

"If the creator of facebooks likes getting hurt... Is he a zucker for pain?"

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"*First Date* Her: Hobbies? *thinks about the 50,000 piece Lego Death Star I'm building* Me: Architecture and Astronomy. Her: Impressive."
"I fall in love too easily. Wait.. It's ditches, I fall in ditches too easily"
"How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem? He worked it out with a pencil!"
"What do you call a symphony of whales? An orcastra"
"Just so u know guys I literally covered my roommates bed in 324 pieces of cornbread 2 make it a ""cornbed"" so ur fakes puns mean nothing 2 me"
"Now I know why they call it Whole Foods. It took a whole hour to spend my whole paycheck and they can kiss my whole ass."
"How does Times Square start the new year? By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! ""The audience can sing this one."""
"Why do people say that Canadians always want to establish that they're Canadian? As a Canadian, this offends me."
"I pointed to two old drunks across the bar from us and told my mate ""That'll be us in ten years...."" He replied, ""That's a mirror, you dick-head""."