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Joke of the Day

"When the instructions say so easy a child could do it, I assume you mean one of those genius 12-year-olds who double major at MIT."

"Why did they call it The Iron Curtain? They were going to call it the Fe line, but that seemed too catty."

"When I was young I would go and throw rocks at the man doing Taekwondo in the park I would always get a huge kick out of it"

"What's the difference between fancy food and military food? Fancy food is delicious, but military food is deliciousir!"

"Me: ""Bless me father, it's been 13,505 days since my last confession."" Priest: ""You're off to a bad start."""

"I was told insence would help me catch Pokemon But no matter how many times I make out with my sister, I'm still not getting any Pokemon"

"I like my women like I like my wine... Six years old and locked in a cellar."

"A woman just asked me what 'mansplaining' is. I think it's a trap. We've been staring at each other in silence for nearly an hour now."

"How many irish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, One to hold the light and, one to drink until the room starts spinning!"

"What does a waffle call his complete existential paradigm shift? His eggo death"