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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between fancy food and military food? Fancy food is delicious, but military food is deliciousir!"

"What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They drive real slow in the school zones."

"What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol? My record is 21 years."

"A Jew, a woman, and a racist walk into a bar. The bartender says ""I bet you thought this was going to be about the elections, didn't you?"""

"Sometimes I find it hard to express myself because FedEx hears me breathing."

"The true irony in Taylor Swift singing about feeling 22 at age 23 is that I want to hit her in the face with a cast iron skillet."

"Why do you never see a crackhead over 30? Cause they're fucking dead"

"From my 5 year old: Knock knock! Who's there? Orange! Orange Who? Orange you glad I love you? All my awws."

"I found out today it's OK to date a nun.... You just can't get in the habit!"

"*Michael Cera stubs his toe on a cotton ball*"