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Joke of the Day
"I wish my car could put its hands in its pockets and whistle when I drive by a cop."
Next Joke
"Why did the mermaid wear sea shells? Cause she was too big for B- shells! (my 6 year old niece likes to tell this joke)"
"How do you kill a blonde? There are three ways; -put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool -a mirror at the bottom of a pool -or put a condom on the top of a flag pole"
"Offering the floral arrangement as a meal to the gluten free, lactose intolerant, allergy ridden vegetarian is apparently not ok."
"Nature tip: if you're attacked by a cougar, tickle its belly. It will kill you but at least your last memory will be of petting a cuddly cat"
"When Ted Cruz kisses a baby, its parents have to throw it out and start over."
"My ex broke up with me because she wanted a man with a 9inch penis :(... ... and there was no way I was cutting two inches off."
"My friends dog just died, he told me he wanted another one just like him... ...why whould you want another dead dog?"
"What's the worst kind of media? chlamydia"
"Last night I dreamt I was a muffler I woke up exhausted"