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Joke of the Day
"The past, the present and the future walked into a bar It was tense."
Next Joke
"Why's everyone hating Mayweather, I think it feels great out"
"What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell. She's got a grenade in her mouth."
"What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan."
"Wrote a letter to Santa today because i don't want him to think that we only talk when i want something from him."
"ME (watching a sea of a million llamas stampede over the horizon): dear God, it's the alpacalypse"
"2 men knock on an Essex girls door. ""Hello love how would you like double glazing?"",they ask. ""Oh go on then"", she replies falling to her knees, ""just not in my eyes"""
"Surgeon: I'm unable to perform this surgery. I've only got 10,000 spoons, when all I need is a knife."
"If I was Jennifer Lawrence, I'd see which laws I could ignore. Start with going behind the counter at Starbucks, work my way up to murder."
"ME: Who is your favourite philosopher? PROFESSOR: It's Hume. ME: Sorry - whom is your favourite philosopher?"