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Joke of the Day

"Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. ""Why are we running so fast?"" asked one. ""Because"" said the second ""it says 'tear along the dotted line'!"""

"*Shakespeare resetting his password* ""Enter new password."" Fortnight ""Your password is two weeks."""

"[date] Me: you wanna see what desserts they have? Girl: how about we go home & I'll let you- Me [calls waiter]: what desserts do u have?"

"It's really only a matter of time before Lady Gaga gets Justin Beiber pregnant."

"What I was supposed to teach my kid before kindergarten: 1) phonics 2) writing 3) math What I actually taught her: 1) the dance to Thriller"

"I've seen in war movies where women have to smother their crying babies to get them to be quiet so how come never on an airplane?"

"Two skunks were being chased by a bear. As the bear got closer one of the skunks said ""Whatever shall we do?"" ""Let us spray!"" replied the other."

"Another way that succes is like pregnancy Women have to get it from men."

"My wife told me she wanted to see a huge diamond for her birthday So I took her to a baseball game"

"So a blind guy walks into a bar... We had to call an ambulance for the poor guy."