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Joke of the Day

"[date] Me: you wanna see what desserts they have? Girl: how about we go home & I'll let you- Me [calls waiter]: what desserts do u have?"

"How are people from Kentucky like flour? They're inbred."

"What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while watching his t.v. show? I wish I could hear you whinnie."

"""why aren't you in school?"" ""i'm too cool for school, officer."" *checks cop computer* ""checks out, youre free to go."" kid is undercover nerd"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korean missiles don't go that far."

"For every action, there is an reaction, and with a reaction there is a suing. ~Fine Bros."

"The rotation of the earth really makes my day."

"Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat... I'm gonna agree with her."

"What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit's finger."

"I witnessed a murder today.. then I realized it was just a group of crows."