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Joke of the Day

"I've seen in war movies where women have to smother their crying babies to get them to be quiet so how come never on an airplane?"

"[Gameshow] Host: ""You are one question away from our grand prize. How do you feel?"" Me: ""With my hands."" Host: ""Correct!"" *crowd goes nuts*"

"I'll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap."

"[Dirty] Why do men like golf so much? It makes it possible for them to go from hole to hole with an iron in their hands."

"Grab a plate and throw it on the floor. Did it break? Yes? Ok, now tell it you're sorry. Good, now, did it unbreak? No? Now you understand."

"I shaved my legs today and drew the hair back on. I don't get it, eyebrow ladies, I don't get it."

"What do I have in common with middle Eastern women? We both get stoned to death on a regular basis in public.. And nobody around seems to mind.. And some people ask for hits.."

"How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for the fresh prints."

"Way to disappoint me, things that aren't cheese."

"A man walks into a bar carrying a small pig. ""Where the hell did you get?"" the barkeep asks. ""I won it, playing cards"", says the pig."