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Joke of the Day

"There's one thing I've learned after my son got hit in the face with dog excrement. I'm rather good at golf."

"Today my family is celebrating my dad's 100 days w/o alcohol he is in a coma"

"The dictator forced everyone to work in the butter industry. Some men just want to watch the world churn."

"I don't think none of Christopher Nolan's ex girlfriends know how the hell it ended."

"*walks into lift* Guy: going down? Me: I'll need a first date for that. *silence* *doors open* Dammit Twitter!"

"My dad just had thought surgery and i asked him if he could still talk he said yes, and i'm about to email the doctor to see if i can get my bribe back."

"Two goldfish are alone in a tank, One says to the other one, ""have any idea how to drive this thing?"""

"Free event: Datsun + Tooth & Nail Brewery + Mostly Danish For anyone that have been wanting to try food from Datsun and beers from Tooth & Nail craft brewers."

"Why did the vampire have to get glasses? Because he was blind as a bat! (My 4 year old sister came up with this one yesterday)"

"How do you know if someone is a vegetarian? Don't worry, they will let you know as soon as they can"