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Joke of the Day

"*walks into lift* Guy: going down? Me: I'll need a first date for that. *silence* *doors open* Dammit Twitter!"

"Quit smoking is so easy I quit at least a thousand times already Edited :D"

"Barista asks a customer if they would like their coffee black Customer replies ""what other colors do you have?"""

"They say we know more about the surface of Mars than we do about the bottom of the ocean which is still twice as much as I know about the second page of a Google Search"

"Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand."

"what idot labeled all the orange juice labels w/ ""no pulp"" insted of ""pulp fiction"""

"Yesterday I avoided a rape of a woman - And how you did it? - I convinced her."

"I took a job as a suicide bomber yesterday. I guess you could say it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."

"Yall wanna hear a joke? Women's rights."

"I tried to explain what a double-entendre is But it's soooo hard"