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Joke of the Day

"How do you know if someone is a vegetarian? Don't worry, they will let you know as soon as they can"

"You know guys, ironically, racism is alot like black people... Cuz it shouldn't exist!!!"

"What's the difference between a strawberry and a pencil? One's a fruit, you idiot."

"I like my women like I like my movies. Silent and in the 20s."

"How did the guy from Kentucky find his sister in the woods? Pretty good!"

"Did you hear about the guy who wanted to be reincarnated as a stud? He woke up on a snow tire in Michigan."

"Did you know a cat can jump higher than a house? This is due to the fact that cats have very powerful hind legs and that houses can't jump."

"Children in the backseat can cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat can cause children."

"Sheet manufacturers totally have us by the balls. What are we, not gonna buy sheets?"

"WIFE: *motions to me that she's choking* ME: *immediately dials 911* 911: what the emergency ME: *handing her the phone* here u talk to them"