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Joke of the Day

"Why don't Italians do bondage? Because they can't say the safeword while they're wearing handcuffs."

"I raise the acceptable weight limit of potential sex partners everyday I go without getting laid. Today I hit 2 tons."

"'You have an important event coming up? OwmeeGod, count me in!' -pimples."

"I had a joke about insanity but then I lost it."

"Where did little Lisa go after she got hit by a truck? Everywhere."

"How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go ride a bike?"

"What do you call a baby girl who died of alcohol poisoning? Give me a blender and we'll call her a bloody mary."

"The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my house. I didn't know what to make of it."

"Today I popped a G string while fingering a minor. I'm going to the violin repair shop tomorrow."

"Let's do them. What do you call a group that only wants a Ninja? Goad-diggers."