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Joke of the Day

"As President Roosevelt said: ""We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."""

"I hate it when people ask me what i'll be doing in 5 years time C'mon!! I don't have 2020 vision"

"I bought my wife a pair of shoes and a dildo. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself. (Shamelessly stolen from Craig Ferguson)"

"Damn girl are you a Scientology Church? Because after I come inside you I'm going to be thoroughly disappointed and end up paying large sums of money for the rest of my life just to leave."

"[Sky-diving] INSTRUCTOR: pull your shute! ME: my shoe? INSTRUCTOR: your parachute! ME: my pair of shoes? [later] CORONER: where's his shoes?"

"Whats the resemblance between a prostitute and bungee jumping? You enjoy them both untill the rubber snaps."

"So we didn't get the first woman President, it's an even bigger step... ...the first developmentally disabled President!"

"Were a blind person to go sky diving, how would they do it? Wait until the leash goes slack, then pull the rip cord."

"""Mom?"" ""Yes?"" ""Are we having seafood for dinner?"" ""No, why?"" ""I heard Dad on the phone."" ""And?"" ""He said that he picked up a case of crabs."""

"Did you hear about the Native American who tried to drink 200 cups of tea? He nearly drowned in his own tea pee"