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Joke of the Day

"Why does Jesus eat at Benihana? Because he loves miso!"

"God said unto John... ""John if you come fourth you shall receive eternal life!"" But John came fifth and won a toaster"

"Why couldn't the alcoholic become a lawyer? He just couldn't pass the bar."

"This guy said,""I can predict what's going to happen to your nose."" I thought,""Crikey! It's Nostril-damus!'"

"Friend: I'm surprised to see you eating a salad. Me: *empties bag of chocolate chips over it*"

"What's a vampire's favorite dance? The Fang Tango."

"I walked up to a windmill and said, ""What do you think of this, you spin really fast and I'll fly a kite from the wind you make?"" ""...I'm not a big fan."""

"Jesus dies for our sins? No, no, no... He died for YOUR sins. I haven't touched a goat inappropriately since third grade."

"It's raining. I'm going to be late for work. I can't fit my hair in the car."

"I accidentally swallowed a turntable needle. Good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened"