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Joke of the Day

"This guy said,""I can predict what's going to happen to your nose."" I thought,""Crikey! It's Nostril-damus!'"

"Why is toilet paper no good for wrapping presents? Cos it's tear-able."

"Just watched an Asian toddler make a fully functional iPhone out of a piece of cheese and some copper."

"My dad told me that no one Really needs Heroin in thier Life I think my dad is sexist"

"This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: ""Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken."""

"How did the Nucleus escape from prison? through the cell wall."

"What do you call it when a brunette dyes her hair blonde? Brainwashing."

"I want to adopt two kids... ... with cancer, both named Jordan. I've always wanted a sick pair of Jordans."

"What's the difference between a statesman and a politician? A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman."

"What did the tampon say to the other? Nothing; they were both stuck up cunts!"