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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever played the game of pocket tennis? ..it's when you like keeping your hands in your pocket, when you have holes in them and you're not wearing any underwear."

"No, your baby was definitely crying before I dropped it, that's why I dropped it."

"My wife told me this in the car the other day. Thought you might enjoy! Wife: I can't believe they're still together after all that shit. Me: Who? Wife: My butt cheeks."

"What do a thong bikini and Donald's Trump's hair have in common. They both barely cover the asshole. (gota give Seth Myer credit for this one)."

"COP: u were swerving a lot so i have to conduct a sobriety test ME: ok COP: lets get taco bell ME: no COP: text ur ex ME: no COP: ok ur good"

"If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice. At night the Asians will come and fix it for you."

"My friend told me how electricity is measured and I was like Watt"

"A homosexual, a Pedophile and a Priest walk into a bar The bartender asked him what he would like to drink."

"My father always told me, he liked his women like he liked his sunglasses. Sitting on his face."

"She asked me for breakfast in bed... I said ""maybe you should swallow next time."""