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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me this in the car the other day. Thought you might enjoy! Wife: I can't believe they're still together after all that shit. Me: Who? Wife: My butt cheeks."

"Maybe we should be focussing less on Goldilocks and more on why Mama and Papa bear don't sleep in the same bed anymore."

"I asked the local prostitute if she could do something kinky so she put a set of jumper cables up my ass... Don't get me wrong, I liked it, but I couldn't believe how much she charged me!"

"I've spent the last six months trying to find my Mother-In-Law's killer, but no one is willing to do it."

"Had the words ""I love you"" tattoed on my dick. Wife made me remove it because... she said I was always trying to put words into her mouth."

"A masochist and a sadist are having rough sex. Masochist: ""Hurt me! Hurt me!"" Sadist: ""No."""

"I think my virginity has grown back."

"DAD: I invented a diaper that's also a time machine! MOM: Where do the poops go DAD: dunno! [CUT TO: A BUNKER IN GERMANY, 1942] HITLER: omfg"

"Canada's Gas prices... They fell as fast as Greece's GDP."

"I wrote a song for a Tortilla. Well, it's more of a Wrap."