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Joke of the Day

"ME: gimme a double BARMAN: [places an exact replica of me on the bar] ME: no I meant a double Scotch BARMAN: [puts a kilt on my replica]"

"Why do mathematicians wear glasses? It helps improve division. [Thank you](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sting.ogg) folks, I will be here all week."

"What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? You take off your boots to jump on a trampoline"

"JOB REQUIREMENTS: Must have a college degree. Must have 5 years experience. Must have volunteered as tribute and won the 74th Hunger Games."

"A married man's prayer; Dear God, you gave me childhood, you took it away You gave me youth, you took it away. You gave me a wife.......... Its been years now... Just reminding you......"

"Why don't Germans play games with new players? Because they don't want to wreck Danubes."

"Guy hears his grand kids are coming for the first time. He gets all the parts and gear, spent six hours child-proofing his home. They still got in."

"I want a sandwich in the streets and a sandwich in the sheets."

"There are two types of people in life Those that pee in the shower And Liars!"

"the homeless woman I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box."