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Joke of the Day

"Someone called me selfish and then paused as if they expected me to argue."

"Why is leather so good for sneaking around in? Because leather is made of hide."

"I'm working on a book for dyslexics right now. It's incredibly difficult, cause I'm doing it all in palindromes."

"Last night I had a nightmare that Ann Coulter died and came back to haunt me... ...she was a coultergeist"

"I want to tell you a scoliosis joke but it's completely out of line."

"A pirate walks into a bar... A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, ""Hey, you know you have a steering wheel between you legs right?"" The pirate replies, ""Arrrr, Matey! It drives me nuts!"""

"Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand."

"Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was WARRGELBLAFFENGAR!!!!!"

"Live tweeting from Sunday Mass! We're sitting. Now standing. Sitting. Sorry, should've been kneeling. Shit, that was embarrassing."

"What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck"