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Joke of the Day

"Put your GPS on full volume for your daily commute if you want to know what marriage is like."

"If you fall down in public the best thing to do is stay down, use your fingernails to dig your way to another country then start a new life."

"Two types of people in the world.... Ones who pee in the shower, and motherf**kin liars"

"50 SHADES ADMISSION 82% of women have admitted to reading 50 Shades of Grey with one hand"

"I like to drink and run. I call it ""Bacardio""."

"Darth Vader is not that bad... he is the first black guy to admit he is the father."

"I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can't find it..."

"So UBER is not a dating app? *sigh* I kinda thought all those 'Goodbye' kisses seemed more awkward than usual."

"Handgun owners have a 2% increased rate of suicide. If we could get that up to 10%, Democrats stand a chance in 2020."

"If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader then she would be known as Ella Vader......."