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Joke of the Day

"I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can't find it..."

"What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds."

"I was masturbating, looked up and saw my mom standing there. I was really freaked out. Because she died 6 years ago."

"**What do you call it when an asian family has a feud** **LONG** division"

"Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him."

"me: ""so is this a date?"" hitchhiker: ""um"""

"video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house."

"How much does a Satanist weigh? A pentagram."

"How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?"

"Jealously is something you're good at when you suck at everything else."