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Joke of the Day

"Kylo Ren: I can't read your mind! How are you resisting me?! Rey: Occlumency lessons from Professor Snape."

"Why does Mrs. Claus not have any kids? Because Santa only comes once a year and that's down a chimney."

"My sweatpants just greeted me at the door like a loyal dog."

"What do tour call a man that is happy after performing oral sex on a woman Gladiator"

"police codes 472: loitering 213: man with horse eyes 304: gnarly dirtbike 94: breaking & entering 834: dog smoking weed 58: sexy loitering"

"How do you get an anorexic to gain 25 pounds? Marry her."

"Twitterzoned (by Kevin L. Schwartz) Is ""Twitterzoning"" a thing? ""You're okay as a Twitter friend, but let's not get all Facebook about this."" You've been Twitterzoned."

"Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves."

"wanna hear one long joke and two short jokes? Jooooooooke, joke joke."

"Why shouldn't Mexicans play UNO? They keep taking all the green cards"