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Joke of the Day

"Wife: But the zoo told you never to come back Me: [loading hotdogs into shotgun] Those giraffes can't live on salad, Eleanor"

"I fought in Vietnam I went there last year and some kid took my Cheetos so I hit him."

"There are two types of people in this world... Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."

"What do you call an invalidation of someone's argument because they cannot differentiate between their and they're? ad homonym"

"Have you heard the rumor about the butter? Never mind I shouldn't spread it."

"Girl said that she would do anything for 5$ guess who just got their car washed."

"If she's on top... You're fucking up."

"Why is your mother like the universe? They both create gravity waves when they bang."

"*rearranges Nana's body so she's dabbing* She would've wanted it this way."

"What happens when you drop a decimal point in water ? it floats."