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Joke of the Day

"Do I still have feelings for my ex husband? Yes. I think ""stabby"" is a feeling, right?"

"I bet we can get into some serious Treble together."

"How do you make a racing snail faster? I tried taking his shell off but it only made him more sluggish."

"'Hardys, Bitter, Fosters, Strongbow' Daft Punk ordering a round at the bar"

"Knock knock! Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?"

"My son just walked in crying, saying he was scared as Trump won. I said, fuck off, you're 22 & British. Oh yes he replied & went to work."

"Whats a butt's favorite exercise? High Knees"

"*Wife blows me a kiss from across the room* *I pretend to catch it* *I walk over to the window and toss it outside* ""Grow up Karen"""

"Best pickup line EVER! I would call heaven and report a missing angel.... But I'm actually hoping that you are a slut."

"What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste."