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Joke of the Day

"*Wife blows me a kiss from across the room* *I pretend to catch it* *I walk over to the window and toss it outside* ""Grow up Karen"""

"Roses are red, I have a phone, no one texts me, forever alone."

"*sees Arnold Schwarzenegger working at Walmart* ""hey Arnold, kitchen appliances are toward the back of aisle B right?"" ""YES. AISLE B, BACK"""

"We all have that one friend who thinks they can sing...and if you can't think of who, that friend is you."

"Where does a beaver priest live? In a God Dam House!"

"Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station ? Because it's a 'mane-lion' station !"

"I walked up 14 flights of stairs, so I'm all done with exercise this month."

"What has a beginning and an end, but nothing in the middle? Life"

"I like my coffee how I like my women Sweet and with a cream topping."

"Bucket list: 1. Don't die."