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Joke of the Day

"Why do you have to separate red shirts when you put them into the laundry? Because red shirts die easily."

"I'm addicted to brake fluid... ...but I can stop whenever I want."

"2 Scientists walk into a bar... The first one tells the bartender, ""I'd like some H2O"" Upon hearing that, the second scientist says, ""I'd like some water too. Jimmy, we're not in the lab anymore..."""

"If online bullying has taught us anything. It's that people would sooner hang themselves than lose a bit of weight."

"Wife: I told you to baby proof the house! Me: I did. That baby has no chance if it comes in here. The bear traps will make sure of that."

"Q: How many Chinamen does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Thousands because Confucious say many hands make light work."

"Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head."

"The Shawshank Redemption but it's just me tunneling from my office to the break room so I don't have to talk to my boss."

"What does the dead comedian cook with? Deadpan"

"Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts association, Nice to see a lot of new faces here today."