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Joke of the Day

"The Shawshank Redemption but it's just me tunneling from my office to the break room so I don't have to talk to my boss."

"How are eating a girl out and working for the CIA similar? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit. (Thanks to u/Gary_III for pointing out the mistake last time"

"Don't call me "" bae "" "" baby "" "" babe "" or "" love "" unless I'm the ONLY ONE you're calling that."

"Why was pregnant Cinderella late to the ball? Miscarriage"

"I fell asleep at 3:45. My 5yo woke up at 6:30. Use protection, young people."

"Why did the police beat the black man after he was executed in the electric chair? He was resisting."

"My gynecologist didn't think my ventriloquism skills were as charming as I did."

"Constantly saying ""I don't care about sports"" is a form of caring about sports"

"ME: Hmm. My biggest weakness? Tough question. I guess some people say I'm delusional UBER DRIVER: I didn't say anything"

"Acid... The taste you can see!"