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Joke of the Day

"2 Scientists walk into a bar... The first one tells the bartender, ""I'd like some H2O"" Upon hearing that, the second scientist says, ""I'd like some water too. Jimmy, we're not in the lab anymore..."""

"""Oh great! Just great!"" --guy showing up to the beach with a bunch of sand"

"I was in a flash mob once. We'd mainly just hold people at gunpoint until they updated their Adobe."

"Why is C afraid of every other letter in the alphabet? Because they are not Cs."

"I sent an angel to watch over you last night but he came back saying he can't watch porn..."

"Dark humor is like a child with cancer, It never gets old."

"Pluto is 4.5 billion years old, but yet it is not allowed to sit at the grown-ups' table."

"*therapist writes in pad* Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me- *therapist jumps* Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?"

"Hard tacos are just soft tacos from the street."

"Me*suspicious the neighbor is a cannibal*:""Do U find this is a tough neighborhood? Neighbor:""Na, u just use a slow cooker. Me:""What? n:""What"