35685

Joke of the Day

"Its ironic that the gay club was called ""pulse""... As 50 people didn't have one after the shooting"

"If you're looking for the best time to spill things on yourself, might I suggest wearing a white shirt and right before an interview."

"mugger: GIMME UR MONEY ""All I have is this $5 grandma gave me on my birthday"" [mugger pulls off mask revealing grandma] IT'S PAYBACK TIME"

"Did you know cat's are impervious to most rattle snake bites? Said every dog ever."

"What is sharper, your butt-hole or your teeth? Butt-hole, because it can cut your shit."

"My girlfriend hates it when I surprise her when shes sleeping... OK, so she's not my girlfriend yet..."

"The other day my dessert looked like it was undressing me with it's eyes... It was a total crepe."

"The last time I got a piece of ass ... My finger broke through the toilet paper"

"I didn't have fun at the Boston Marathon this year ... back in 2013 it was a blast."

"*Drives by train wreck* Train wreck:""I have a boyfriend."""