35593

Joke of the Day

"Why do they call them 'jews'? ""'jew gonna do anything with that, 'cause I can take it off your hands?"""

"What do you call a sinking ship from BP's Mexico division? A Pedro leak."

"Didn't want cats ... had 2 cats. Didn't want marriage ... got married 2 times. Ok Karma ... I'm on to you. I don't want a million dollars"

"Rick astley will let you borrow any movie from his collection of Pixar films except one. He's never going to give you Up."

"Why'd God make women pretty but dumb? They're pretty, so men will like them. They're dumb, so they will like men. Courtesy of the great movie Ip Man 3 which I watched yesterday."

"Do you know 25% of woman are seeking help for mental issues? That means 75% are not getting the help they need"

"*grabs knife, cuts forehead, lies on floor* Wife walks in: ""WHAT HAPPENED?"" ""A burglar came in right when I was about to clean the house"""

"What happened to Voldemort's face? Nobody nose."

"How are hanging upside-down and getting a boner alike? All the blood goes to your head."

"I SWEAR I'm not addicted to brake fluid.. I only use it in a clutch."