224469

Joke of the Day

"when i give my policy number to a customer service automated system, i talk precisely & slowly. this is also how i talk to stoned teens"

"if theres liquid water on mars i dont care about it. im not going to drink it"

"So, I'm officially off the market. Got a DM from a faceless Avi proposing marriage in broken English. We're planning a June wedding!"

"These ebola jokes are terrible! They're making my eyes bleed"

"In the movie Titanic it always bugged me that she stayed on the raft when clearly she had more body fat for warmth."

"Why are politicians assholes so clean? Because all their shit comes out of their mouth!"

"No officer the joke's on you. That breathalyzer will never tell you how much acid I dropped tonight."

"What do you call a black pilot? A pilot, you racist fuck."

"What do you call a slutty vegan A herbivwhore"

"Hipsters never go white water rafting It's too main stream."