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Joke of the Day

"I can confirm that men and women may disagree on when advice is helpful. In related news, it is warm enough to sleep outside."

"Doctors gave me an IQ test at the hospital. The results were negative."

"Einstein quietly lays in bed next to a obviously disappointed partner.. After a few minutes of awkward silence he turns to her and says, ""You see, it was fast to you..."""

"The door is closed? I want in. The door is open? I want out. Actually I just want to sit in the door frame itself. - Pets"

"What's the difference between a fraternity and a gang? Gangs don't have to pay for friends."

"mess with me and I will staright-up yank the drawstring out of your hoodie"

"What's the difference between American and Muslim teenage girls? It's illegal to fuck American girls when they're 12."

"""Hey buddy, you wanna buy a harmonica?"" I opened my coat and got hit by a gust of wind, making the worst sound in the world"

"if you say ""summer"" in the mirror three times a white girl in giant sunglasses drinking an iced coffee will appear and take selfies with you"

"I heard they put a supermarket behind Bilbo's hobbit hole... Unexpected item in baggins area."