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Joke of the Day

"Looks like someone is stealing our jokes from r/jokes I was sent this by my roomate, http://www.tickld.com/x/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever-14-is-priceless What shall we do reddit?"

Next Joke
 
"Masturbation is like procrastination... ...in the end you're just fucking yourself"
"WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper ""You're an adult"" every few minutes."
"Just ran 45 minutes on the treadmill and burned 732 calories. Or as many people like to call it, 4 olives."
"Q: What do the Republicans have that Bill Clinton wishes he had? A: A mandate to govern."
"HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO, OR AS IT'S KNOWN AS IN ARIZONA, ""CINCO DE WHAT-O? YOU'RE UNDER ARREST-O, PACO"""
"I live at the top of an 80 story building made of ihop pancakes and I pour burning hot maple syrup on anyone that tries to eat my home"
"If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy bastard... That bronze medal would be mine."
"A retarded kid mugged me yesterday He told me to put the chromosome in the bag"
"My wife says I should be a bull rider... Since I'm lucky to last 8 seconds..."