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Joke of the Day

"The door is closed? I want in. The door is open? I want out. Actually I just want to sit in the door frame itself. - Pets"

"I'm so hungry I could Instagram a horse."

"HWhy did the monster lie on his back? To trip up low-flying aircraft."

"It takes five hours to get ready for work each morning, but it's worth it when I hear co-workers mutter ""What the fuck? Is that an angel?"""

"China must be a huge sausage-fest by now."

"You know what's better than having roses on your piano? Having tulips on your organ!"

"I can't have a boyfriend because my clean laundry goes on the other side of my bed."

"What do you call a bad hair day for Donald Trump? A real toupee in the ass."

"Test boast, please ignore. I just hacked my friend's reddit account."

"What kind of insect gets triggered on tumblr? A butthurtfly"