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Joke of the Day

"Listening to my husband's gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding."

"Why is there no life on Mars? No WiFi..."

"I was going to tell a dull pencil joke but it's pointless"

"I've said it before. Wednesday. Where you're too far out to see weekend in any direction."

"[wakes up from coma I went into in 1908] so how many more World Series titles have the Cubs won?"

"""I'm a skeleton!"" *kisses and hugs you* Stop that! *kisses and hugs you again* What kind of skeleton are you?!? ""An XO skeleton"""

"How did Harry Potter go down the hill Walking.... JK Rowling"

"Gonna invent a drink called Expresso that's just a cup of bees so people will stop asking for espresso incorrectly."

"The ostrich may have the right idea but I hate sand in my hair."

"I can take two pieces of rope eat them wait an hour then shit them out tied together.... I shit you knot... ha shit you knot"