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Joke of the Day

"*nudges widow at funeral* are you thinking Arby's"

"The other day I sold someone a stale fish, next day he came to my store and said ""you selfish"" and left... now I am not sure if I should have replied ""yes"" or ""sorry""."

"Why was the apricot late to the party? He got stuck in a jam."

"""MY HERO!"" ""My hero."" --Guy who got his sandwich stolen, then saved by a stranger"

"A co-worker said to me, ""Could you be any more annoying?"" So the next day I wore tap shoes to work."

"What's the difference between a Chick Pea and Garbanzo Bean?? I've never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face..."

"Checked into a hotel expecting one night stand but there were 2! Mighty pleased."

"My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today. She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert"

"how do you know if you have a high sperm count? your daughter has to chew before she swallows"

"Sext: You are a butterfly. I am a caterpillar. Surprise twist, I am Chris Hansen in a caterpillar suit. You are under arrest."